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[othercaptjack]

This is going to be difficult.

Jack steeples his fingers for a moment, elbows on his desk, and rests his forehead against them. His fingers feel cold. He'd wondered whether it was wise or not to hold this particular chat in his office, but... it's mostly private, especially with the rest of Torchwood at home for the evening, and if it's a little coldly professional, well- it is, mostly, a professional matter.

It should be entirely professional. Maybe talking to Ianto Jones in his office will help him remember that. He'd sent the boy home in a cab, after Lisa was dead, and more or less ordered him to sleep for no less than ten hours, then stay at home, and not come back until this meeting. Which Jack is now kicking himself for, because preofessionalism or not, this is still in the hub, and that can't be helpful. He wants to be logical before going into the emotional side.

Myfanwy screeches somewhere high above, and Jack sighs to himself. He can only hope that he can be of some help, today. This isn't just a disciplinary talk. This has to tell him more about Ianto than rereading his file will give.

He just hopes he won't get shot again. That's always so hard to explain.

Comments

[likesthecoat]

Ianto's back is perfectly straight and his face is expressionless as he walks through the Hub to Jack's office. At first glance he looks strong; on second, he looks like he will snap if someone thumps him in the right place.

He raps his knuckles on Jack's door. "Sir."

[othercaptjack]

And Jack will try, within reason, not to thump him - physically or otherwise - at least for the duration of this conversation. It hurts, now, seeing Ianto look so outwardly calm, and then to look again. It makes him wonder how much he must have missed, in the months the boy was working here. Hiding his girlfriend here, and worrying every minute. No. Security first. Putting compassion first is Gwen's job.

Jack looks up and nods, no trace of his normal easy smile visible. "Come in, Ianto," he says. "And have a seat."

[likesthecoat]

Ianto does so wordlessly, almost soundlessly. That's what he's good at, isn't it--being unnoticeable.

He crosses his legs and folds his hands over his knee.

[othercaptjack]

He is good at it. And yet... for a few days, while he more or less hounded Jack for a job... It makes you think. How good must he be, to adapt like that? To become silent and perfect so that even Jack didn't try for the depths beneath the cool exterior.

It's part of the reason Jack didn't forcibly retcon him immediately.

"I guess you know that I need to ask you about some things," he says, after a few moments of excruciating silence. "I need to have some answers before I can decide where to go from here."

It's a soberer, more distant Jack from normal that gazes at his former... what? Butler? Teaboy? He hasn't had to be like this for a very long time, and it's faintly worrying how easily the coldness overtakes him. He's not sure he likes it, but for now, for this, he needs it.

[likesthecoat]

Slightest tensing of the fingers.

"Yes, sir."

He wonders first if Jack will believe anything he says now anyway--and then if he can tell Jack how much he hated lying to him for all those months. If it would make a difference.

Which he suspects it wouldn't.

[othercaptjack]

Yesterday, it wouldn't have made a difference.

Today, Jack is more thoughtful, and so it actually might. If only it showed on his face, then they might make some progress, but alas for old interrogation habits.

"First of all, I suppose," he says. "Do you wish to continue here, at Torchwood?"

It might not seem the most important point, but to Jack, it is. If Ianto wants to get out, he's ready to offer him retcon and a covering job reference from a dummy company then and there. (He'd prefer it to be voluntary, even after what he's done here.) If not, then they can proceed.

[likesthecoat]

Ianto considers this.

He takes a slow breath. "If I do, will you be able to trust me?" He nods to the office window. "Will they?"

[othercaptjack]

"They aren't important right now," Jack says firmly. "I'm the one you need to convince. Because if you want to walk out, I promise you, I will let you do that. Your memories will have to be erased, but you will be provided with enough cover to get another job easily enough. There will be no further official contact with Torchwood, beyond making sure you don't resist the drug."

He pauses, watching Ianto.

"If, however, you want to stay here, and continue working, I'm willing to talk about that. Trust..." he finds himself running out of words, and takes a breath. "That might take time. I can't speak for the others, but for me... I think I understand your actions, now. But nothing comes immediately."

[likesthecoat]

"Of course," Ianto murmurs and drops his eyes.

"I don't know, sir. Everything I did was for her. If I go, I can't imagine what else I'd do. If I stay--" He looks away and swallows.

[othercaptjack]

Jack watches him carefully as he picks up the train of thought.

"If you stay, you'll have to work in the place where you kept her. I don't expect that to be a simple choice."

[likesthecoat]

"And with the people who killed her," Ianto says and his face twists with pain a moment. He can't meet Jack's eyes.

[othercaptjack]

And Ianto still believes she was truly alive, then.

"That, too," Jack says brutally, keeping his face still, and eyes level. "Do you think you can?"

[likesthecoat]

"I don't know, sir," Ianto says, quietly and honestly and his voice thickening a little. "I don't know."

[othercaptjack]

Jack waits for a moment, letting the silence grow before speaking again.

"You don't have to decide immediately," he says eventually. "I'm suspending you for a couple of weeks in any case. You need the time off as much as I need to be sure of you before you come back to work. If you decide you can't come back in that time, let me know, and the rest will be taken care of. You will wake up, and the past year or two will be a blur."

He pauses, fingers squeezing together almost painfully. He hates being this cold. If hasn't been how he does things for... longer than he likes to remember. "If you think you can, we'll talk," he continues, then tilts his head, trying to ignore the slight ache in his chest. He can almost feel Ianto's anguish, more now than when he'd screamed and raged at him the day before. "Unless there's something obviously wrong then, I'm inclined to give you another chance. What happened to Lisa was not your fault. You made a grevious error, but it came from grief, and you didn't know how far the conversion had gone. If I thought you did, we would not be having this conversation."

Ianto couldn't remember the last few years at all, and his cover story wouldn't be pleasant. Best-case scenario.

[likesthecoat]

Ianto starts to speak at the mention of suspension. "And what am I do to during those weeks? Wait for you to call me?"

[othercaptjack]

Jack shakes his head.

"You can call here, if you want to. Or visit family or friends, if you'd prefer not to speak with anyone from Torchwood. Think of it as a time for you to consider your options without interference or pressure. And for the others to get out any... problematic feelings without focusing them on you. They were too tired today, for the most part, but I suspect tomorrow mght be different. I'd rather you not make your decision in light of their reactions, whatever they might be."

Then he pauses, and looks down at his desk, before glancing up again, determinedly. "It's a little late for my reaction, unfortunately."

[likesthecoat]

"I don't have any family. Sir."

he looks at Jack and then looks away again, pressing his lips together. "If you want me gone I'd prefer you just did it. Don't make me wait."

[othercaptjack]

Well, fuck.

Jack takes a moment to kick himself for not checking that before this meeting, and moves directly on.

"That's the thing," is what he eventually says, watching the other man to try and gauge his reaction. "I'm not sure I want to lose you."

[likesthecoat]

"Oh."

It's very small.

Evan smaller, "I'm not sure I want to be lost."

He clears his throat and looks anywhere but back at Jack. This is madness.

[othercaptjack]

Jack finally permits himself a small, tight half-smile.

"That's a start," he says dryly. "I guess it's what we have to work with."

[likesthecoat]

"Yes, sir," Ianto mutters and decides the safest place to look right now is the toe of his shoe.

Shiny.

[othercaptjack]

Jack suppresses a sigh. But then, it's not as if it was ever likely that Ianto would pour out his heart to the man who - at least from a certain point of view - murdered his girlfriend.

His voice, when he speaks again, is subtly gentler. "Let's go with the assumption that you'll be coming back, Ianto," he says. "If you change your mind in the next week or two, I won't hold it against you." He looks down at the surface of his desk and the inevitable muddle of paperwork. "...Not that it'll affect you one way or the other."

[likesthecoat]

The idea of being sent away hurts almost as much as the idea of coming back. Of course, if he does leave, he won't miss it.

Maybe it would be better just to let it all go.

"Two weeks," he says with a short nod. "Very well."

[ooc: Also, hometime for me.]

[othercaptjack]

Jack nods in response.

"I suggest a lot of sleep," he says, then hesitates. "And I meant it, when I said you can call here, if you need to hear another voice. I want you to rest, but total isolation might not be what you need right now."

If only Torchwood was the kind of job where you could go see a psychiatrist at the first hint of stress.

[likesthecoat]

"Sure. Sleep." Ianto frowns at his shoe.